I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
