I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
