I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
