I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
