she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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