You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
