my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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