just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
