I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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