I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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