No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
