I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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