Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
