Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
