My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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