Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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