you turned your livingroom into a bong?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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