I just saw a hot homeless man
someone owes me an orgasm
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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