Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Found the puke drawer
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
