Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
