Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize