I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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