Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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