he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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