New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
