I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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