i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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