420 ftw
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
