goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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