I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She's the barista slut.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
