I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
