oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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