Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
