Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
