I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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