You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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