Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
