Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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