God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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