You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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