dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
