Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
