She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
