She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
