it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
