I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
