forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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