so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
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I AM VODKA MAN
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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