is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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