I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
