Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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