god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
