you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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