So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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