We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
