new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
