Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize