her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
