she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
