Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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