my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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