New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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