I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
