I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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