Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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