Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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